Offensive Jokes Post

[Myckaal]

During a cockfight, the rooster's throat becomes filled with blood and fluid.
It's the owner's job to remove this toxin from his fighter so it doesn't suffocate.
The most efficient way to do this is to place the rooster's head directly into your mouth and manually suck out the bloody fluid.
Imagine being at one and hearing all those cock-suckers in the back of the stands ...

"Hey, Raul ... can you suck the fluid outta my cock?"
"Why can't you do it yourself?"
"Because I've got too many to do by myself"

So ... the next time you're about to call someone a cocksucker, just remember that sometimes it's a noble thing, with roots in tradition and honor.

-- Mon, 28 Dec 2009 16:07:09 +0000 --

Now .... Someone else raise the bar .....

[Rusty]

That was barely offensive at all!

A priest, drunk and paedophile walk into a bar. A second man then comes in.

[Blanz]

pshhh, thats not bad



Heres my offensive joke:

Marky

[ShockRide]

pshhh, thats not bad



Heres my offensive joke:

Marky

Naaaaa, not a joke; just offensive.

[Myckaal]

You know that little red dot on an Indian chick's forehead is for?

It's so when she gets married, her husband gets to scratch it off and see if he wins an American convenience store.

[5iM]

this one is a lil racial but still funny.... to me..

a black guy, a black guy and a black guy walk into a bar....

the bartender says..

"HEY!!! Get the **** out of here"

[Void is a BIG FAGGOT]

What do you call 4 black guys riding in a Cadillac? Black Power.
What do you call 4 white guys riding in a Cadillac? White Power.
What do you call 4 Hispanic guys riding in a Cadillac? Grand Theft Auto!!!

[Blanz]

How do you get a baby to stop choking?





It's easy, just take your dick out of its mouth.

[Diseased Violence]

What's the hardest thing about cutting a baby with a straight razor?

My erection while I'm doing it.

HAHA, i see my self in that situation..

[Corey[OSX]Burton]

Three guys went on a vacation to the icy mountains. Upon arrival, they realised there was only one room, with one bed. Reluctantly, they all got in, and went to sleep. The next morning they all awoke and each one claimed he had the best dream ever. The guy on the left said "I dreamt I was getting the best handjob". "No kidding?" said the guy on the right, "Me too". The guy in the middle looked puzzled and said "Thats funny, I dreamt I was skiing"..

-- Sun, 11 Jul 2010 10:41:50 +0000 --

An elderly woman walked into the head branch of Chase Manhattan Bank building holding a large paper bag in her hand. She told the young man at window that she wished to take the 3 million dollars she had in the bag and open an account with the bank. She said that first though, she wished to meet the President of Chase Manhattan Bank due to the large amount of money involved.

The teller seemed to think that was a reasonable request and, after opening the bag and seeing the bundles of $1,000 bills which amounted to right at $3million, he phoned the President to make the appointment for the woman. The woman was escorted upstairs to the President's office. Introductions were made and she said that she liked to get to know the people she did business with on a more personal level. The bank President then asked how did she come into such a large sum of money.
"Was it an inheritance?" he asked. "No" she answered "Was it from playing the Stock Market?" he inquired. "No", She replied.

He was quite for a moment, trying to figure out how the elderly lady came into such a large sum of money. "I won it by betting" she stated. "As in horses?" "No", she replied, "I bet on people" Seeing his confusion, she explained that she would bet on different things with people. All of a sudden she said, "I'll bet you $25,000 that by 10 o'clock tomorrow morning your balls will be square." The bank President figured that she must be off her rocker and decided to take her up on the bet. He didn't see how he could lose.

For the rest of the day, he was very careful. He decided to stay home that evening and take no chances, since there was $25,000 at stake. When he got up in the morning and took his shower, he checked to make sure everything was okay. There was no difference in his scrotal appearance. He looked the same as he always had. He went to work and waited for the woman to come in at 10 o'clock, humming as he went. He knew, this would be a lucky day - how often did he get handed $25,000for doing nothing? At 10 o'clock sharp the woman was shown into his office. With her was a man. Then the bank President asked what the other man was doing in the office with her, and she explained to the President that he was her Lawyer and always took him along on bets when large sums of money was at stake.

"Well", she asked, "What about our bet?" "I don't know how to tell you this", he answered, "But I'm the same as I've always have been, only $25,000 richer." The lady seemed to accept this, but requested that she be able to see for herself. The bank President thought that this was a reasonable request and drooped his trousers. She instructed him to bend over, and she grabbed a hold of him. Sure enough, everything was fine. His balls were not square. The bank President then looked up and saw the Lawyer standing across the room banging his head against the wall. "What's wrong with him?", he asked. "Oh, him", She answered, " I bet him $100,000 that by 10:30 this morning I'd have the President of the Chase Manhattan Bank by the balls."

Not too offensive though, sorry

-- Sun, 11 Jul 2010 10:42:28 +0000 --

Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said "Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to sleep with one of their patients, and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go, Dave." But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality, whispering "Dave... Dave... Dave, you sick bastard... You're a vet."

-- Sun, 11 Jul 2010 10:43:58 +0000 --

A penguin's driving around in New Zealand when suddenly his car breaks down.
He asks a local for help so the local Pops the hood and takes a look.
While the guy is looking at his car the penguin goes and gets an ice cream.
When he gets back with ice cream around his mouth, The local looks up and says:
"Aww bru looks like you've blown a seal"
The penguin replies "Pfft, at least I dont **** sheep"

-- Sun, 11 Jul 2010 10:44:51 +0000 --

A sixteen year old girl goes to confession.
"Father, I called a man a son-of-a-bitch yesterday."
"Why did you call him a son-of-a-bitch??" the priest asked.
"Because, father, he touched me on my arm without permission"
"Do you mean like this??" He touches her arm.
"Yes father."
"That's no reason for calling him a son-of-a-bitch."
"But father he also touched my breasts."
"You mean like this??" He touches her breasts.
"Yes father."
"That's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch."
"But father, he took off my clothes."
"Like this??" He takes off her clothes.
"Yes father."
"That's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch."
"But father he then put his you-know-what in my you-know-where."
"Like this??" He put his you-know-what in her you-know-where.
"Yes father," she says sometime later.
"But that's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch."
"But father, he has AIDS."
"THAT SON-OF-A-BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!"

There. Not all are THAT offensive, but eh. Kept the thread going

[Axalon57[OSX]]

How do you get a baby to stop choking?





It's easy, just take your dick out of its mouth.

Time for more tasteless dead baby jokes.

Q:What is the difference between a pile of babies and a pile of bowling balls?
A:You can't move a pile of bowling balls with a pitchfork.

Q:How do you get 50 babies into a bathtub?
A:Blender.
Q:How do you get them out?
A:Straw.

Q:What sound does a baby make when you put it in the blender?
A:Not sure, too busy masterbating.

Aaaaaand I'm starting to discust myself again.

[Insane |GATE| Dwarf]

Iron man is a superhero
Iron woman is a command

[KasparHauser]

What's the difference between a dead baby and a samwich?

I don't have sex with my samwich before I eat it.


How many dead babies do you need to paint a wall?

Depends how hard you throw them.

[|BAD| JarKovus]

A guy walks into a bar with a crocodile. He yells out to the crowd, "who's willing to buy me a beer if I can put my ball sack in this croc's mouth and pull them out unscathed?" a couple of hands go up in the bar. So the man puts the croc on the bar, and pulls its mouth open. He then puts his nuts in the croc's mouth and with out a second thought the croc shuts its mouth. The man waits a few seconds, grabs an empty bottle from the bar and smashes it over the croc's head. The crocodile opens its mouth, and the man shows that his nuts are perfectly fine. As the man is drinking his victory beer he calls out to the crowd, "Now which one of you, thinks your man enough to do the same?" A Blond woman walks up to the bar and says, "I will, but I don't want you to hit me with a beer bottle."